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About Safran Foer
Everything Is Illuminated excerpt An Overture to the Commencement
of a Very Rigid Journey
My legal name is Alexander
Perchov. But all of my many friends dub me Alex, because that is a more flaccid-to-utter version of my legal name. Mother
dubs me Alexi-stop-spleening-me!, because I am always spleening her. If you want to know why I am always spleening her, it
is because I am always elsewhere with friends, and disseminating so much currency, and performing so many things that can
spleen a mother. Father used to dub me Shapka, for the fur hat I would don even in the summer month. He ceased dubbing me
that because I ordered him to cease dubbing me that. It sounded boyish to me, and I have always thought of myself as very
potent and generative. I have many many girls, believe me, and they all have a different name for me. One dubs me Baby, not
because I am a baby, but because she attends to me. Another dubs me All Night. Do you want to know why? I have a girl who
dubs me Currency, because I disseminate so much currency around her. She licks my chops for it. I have a miniature brother
who dubs me Alli. I do not dig this name very much, but I dig him very much, so OK, I permit him to dub me Alli. As for his
name, it is Little Igor, but Father dubs him Clumsy One, because he is always promenading into things. It was only four days
previous that he made his eye blue from a mismanagement with a brick wall. If you're wondering what my bitch's name is, it
is Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior. She has this name because Sammy Davis, Junior was Grandfather's beloved singer, and the bitch
is his, not mine, because I am not the one who thinks he is blind. Jonathan Safran Foer
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